Potential and circumstance

Yesterday I had lunch with a colleague who is based in a third world country in the region. Apart from complaining about the dirt, grime and the constant feeling of being sick because of the polluted environment, she said something which struck me very deeply about fate, circumstance and justice.

Another colleague of mine, who was present at the lunch, asked her: "Do you think this country will progress? Do you feel optimistic?"

My third-world based colleague said yes. She believes that this country could only progress. After 10 years of democracy, they seem to get their act together. Peace has been achieved. While economic progress has been bumpy, the general consensus among businessmen has been that it is a good place to do business. Costs are low, labour is plentiful and people are hungry. They just want a better lives for themselves.

In the same breath however, she also said that she was glad she wasn't a resident of this country. That's because there is simply no social mobility there. If you are a farmer, you stay a farmer. Even if you are a genius. Relating the example of her language teacher, she said her teacher was a brilliant woman, very sharp, very smart, probably more able than my friend herself. But she could only look forward to being a language teacher for the rest of her life. She didn't have a degree, no opportunities to develop her talent.

"I love to interact with the people there. Do business with them, get involved and learn about their culture. But you know what, I'm glad I hold the red passport. Because once things turn sour there, I can run back here. And I will run very fast because things turn shitty very quickly, once the crap hits the fan," she said.

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I am in a good job that pays pretty well. I don't think I'm particularly very bright. I'm not a world beater but I'm not daft either. But I've had enough opportunities in my life, which I've taken advantage, to bring me to where I am. I am sure that there are many brighter smarter people in countries poorer than here. But they will probably never see nor enjoy the creature comforts that I do, simply because they were born there, and I here.

Many people have said that the yoke of the peasant was thrown off when the Dark Ages ended. Enlightenment, they said, brought the individual into focus, and placed him on a pedestal. No longer are you bound by your status in life when you were born. If you had brains and ability as well as a pinch of hard work, you could make something of yourself.

This rings hollow in countries, especially poorer countries. Even in poorer countries where democracy has taken root. You may have the vote but not the dollar.

Wealth and not liberty is what frees people from their bonds.

Last 11 days of work

Actually it's more like last 6 days of work. Next week I will be clearing all my days' off and just returning on the last day to return my laptop and security passes.

So it's happened and is finally happening. I'm leaving the company I've called my own for the past four years of my life and moving onto something completely new.

I guess this is what change means: Stepping into the unknown. Well it's known but not known at the same time. I know what the job entails but there are so many unfamiliar things in the new job, so many risks to take with my career, making new friends and colleagues and applying myself in a completely new environment.

But I digress.

EL has been growing so fast recently it has been completely a joy just watching her develop.

At five months, she was trying to sit up but without success. She could sit herself up only by holding out her hands and waiting to be pulled up. Once up, she could sit but shakily.

At six months, she could sit by herself quite comfortably.

THen at seven months, she suddenly discovered how to sit up without using her abdominals. So instead of sitting straight up as adults do, she'd go into a crawling position and tuck her legs underneath before propping herslf up with her hands.

Smart, right.

I thought it was pretty cool. Firstly because no adults in our family does that. I mean, maybe sometimes I lie sprawled with my ass in the air but I'm too clumsy to tuck my legs in to sit up. Too much work.

Secondly because it shows that she's aware of her own abilities and is doing something that affects her whole being.

She is also learning, very quickly, how to eat on her own. She's great at picking stuff up and stuffing her mouth with it. All kinds of things. Now she knows how to eat it as well.

So EL is moving into her eighth month and I'm moving into my new job. I hope it will be a risk worth taking.

Lame but true

There are many people who do this. And whenever I read these types of posts, I often scoff at them, wondering what on earth would possess them to write something as lame as this.

Well now I know.

I passed my IPPT.

There. What a lame-ass declaration.

But a caveat.

I passed my test despite running a temperature earlier that day.

Now, that makes the lameness less lame.

Prior to having my fever, though, I was actually not quite worried about two stations. SBJ which is a real biatch and chin-ups.

See ever since uni days, I've been piling on the fats. I've stopped going to gym 3 times a week, running twice a week and swimming like I-dunno-how-many-times a week. Plus the football on Saturday mornings.

Result: Pek pek and rather flabby around the wrong parts.

Nontheless I've been training some in the past month or so. I was fairly confident of my pull-ups save the sweaty palms which equals a weak grip. And SBJ is seriously just heng suay. Sometimes I'd hit the passing mark, sometimes I'd get silver, sometimes I'd fail.

Well I started off with my weakest link - chin-ups. Queued up, stepped up and pulled up. 7 times. Not bad I thought, as I dismounted.

Next SBJ. Again I queued up. Nervous as hell. Failing this meant I would have to endure another 4 weeks of RT, three times a week.

Took a deep breath, stood on my toes, jumped. Landed, line fault. KNNNNNNNNNN
Repeated, jumped, 207. Failed. OMG 5 cms off the mark!
Repeatd, jumped, remembered to tuck my legs in. 212.....Passed!

The other 2 stations were a breeze.
But my less than 100% physical state was starting to wear on me. After my shuttle run, I was sweating and breathing really hard. I felt bit light-headed, which was not natural.

As I walked over to the 2.4km starting point, doubts started to pour in. What if my body gave way, what if I had a heart attack. I was still considered to be sick and I've read countless stories of people dying after they ran. I know of course that this is all wrong. The right thing to do would have been to stay home and wait for the next test, after I'm fully recovered.

But there was too much at stake. I simply could not afford to take more leave to go for RT, my weekends are extremely precious with EL around so I rolled the dice.

First lap: 1min 37s . Holy crap! That's like a 8:30 minute 2.4km timing, I thought to myself. My goal was to hit the halfway mark below 6mins. That would give me ample time to finish the rest of the run comfortably within passing time. (I was hoping to get a silver timing but...)

By the start of the third round, I was clearly running out of steam. Up till then, I was leading the pack, being the first group of runners to set off. But man was I breathing hard. Two other fitter runners had caught up and were pulling away. My legs started to feel like lead and my breathing laboured.

End of third round: 5m 38s. I made it. But barely and my fuel tank was running very low. I slowed down even more.

Fourth round: 7m 45s. That was more than the 2m 7s I allowed myself. But my mind was clearly not focusing. I was dead tired and struggling.

Fifth round 10sm15s: Crap crap crap. I needed to make 12m40s or everything would be in vain. By then, I was shaking and my mind was in a blurr. Exhaustion and temptation to stop became easier and easier to contemplate. Just walk for 10s, my other weaker half pleaded. Run the rest of the way.

I ignored that and ran. Ran and ran. I finished in 12m 15s, with breathing so laboured and legs so shaking, I nearly died. But I didn't.

In the end, driving back with my body numb and my mind blank, I realised why people would want to blog about somethng as insignificant as passing a lowly IPPT.

Decisions

IN life, there are many decisions we make. Often we have to decide, for instance, whether going into the first cubicle or the second cubicle would lead to a cleaner backside. Occasionally, we may also have to ponder whether at 6pm on the roads at a traffic light, whether people can actually see if one’s digging of the gold in a place where there is little sunshine. (The answer is yes, owner of the blue Mazda 3 SFG 9xx0L at Alexandra Road junction 715pm. I saw you ok. Seriously)

And sometimes, very few sometimes, you get the privilege of trying to make a decision on what your next child will be called.

Me: Hey wife, if we get a son, I think Patrick will be nice. Patrick L.
Wife: When we get a son, which will be our next, I like the name Augustine. Patrick L sounds like a car salesman.
Me: Huh. Why
Wife: Cos salemanish lor
Me: Huh. How many Patrick L car salesmen do you know?
Wife: None.
Me: WTF. And you come from which planet again?
Wife: Aiyah, it just sounds like it ok. Don’t act innocent. You said Aloysius sounds wussy
Me: Yeah, because I actually know two Aloysiuses who ARE wussy.
Wife: That’s as bad as your mum, who hates Francis because she knew a Francis who is her arch-enemy, her nemesis from 10 years ago.
Me: Yeah. Siao. Why does my mum always think so illogically.
Wife: Yah.

EL at nearly 7. Months

So I finally manage to get a day off from work. It's quite crazy. The recessions has not only made a dent in our pay but also meant that we are all supposed to do the work of 1.5 persons if not 2. So it's been late nights at a stretch.

Luckily, or not, I have RT. Yeah, it's embarrasing. I used to get the gold standard for IPPT but the words "used to" are important. So given the work that I do, getting out of office at 530pm is impossible. So I applied for four weeks of leave on Wednesday. Gives me time to rest at home, play with EL and get some time in with her. Mum's doing a great job with her but I also want in on some of EL's time.

When i started this blog, it was supposed to be about my experiences as a father. But its impossible to comparmentalise being a father, being a husband, being an ant in the economy, being a student of economics and a follower of politics. So I decided, this will be my de facto blog, personal or otherwise.

EL is growing really fast now. We had some issues with her not putting on weight at about 4-5 months. Wife had problems pumping at milk (we are still fully breastfeeding) so she wasn't getting enough milk to keep up with her growth. That's what the doctor hinted to us. We felt she was okay. She was alert, happy and learning new skillz, like flipping over. Then filpping over consecutively. Then garbling and of course sitting and kicking me. But we didn't want to end up with a situation of her not being skinny, so we followed the doc's advice, which was to start her on solids.

She began with organic brown rice cereal and is now into her 5th week into solids. I think. She's doing lots of fruits, papaya, apple and pear. She's also done some veg, spinach and pumpkin (is pumpkin a fruit or a veg ah?) And of course rice and potato. After putting her on this diet, she's been putting on weight. From 5kg to 6.6kg now, an average of about 200-300 gm a week, which works out to about 2-4% growth in weight a week. She's fast catching up to the 50th percentile and we are happy.

Warning: Solids give constipation. Especially for babies early on. She had some real issues with crapping. So we cut down on the carbs and fed her more fruit. Seems to have helped. What is great is that she's now doing this crapping thing: Her nose turns red, she emits some "uhhh" "uhhh" sounds and her face turns into one of full concentration, no doubt getting excess luggage out of her system.

I'm thinking of switching jobs because I realised how important it is for me to be with her and my family more. It's not just about missing these developmental signs but also that the more I'm with her the more she recognises me and the better our relationship will be. My job is great, I love it. But it is temporary in that there may come a time, the company may no longer want me, or that I will fall out of love with it. But my daughter? She's forever.

Three months and counting

We are getting to the stage where EL is learning to interact with us more.

She smiles on her own a lot more and lets out lots of weird and happy noises when she is content. Occasionally if she is really happy, she will laugh; she smiles widely and a really happy sound comes out of her.

Wifey and me can't want till she actually gets to talk. I mean how cool is that?

At the same time however, as EL grows, she is also developing feelings, likes and dislikes.

She likes being held but only in certain positions. Put her in a sling when she is not ready to sleep and she will go off like an alarm bell. Her face scrunches up and her arms and legs start moving. Really. Forcefully.

She also has started to love bath times. Initially she hated being bathed. But now, when its 'pong pong' time, she lies on the changing table in quiet anticipation as her clothes get taken off. Once she is in the warm soapy water, she starts to grin and will happily splash a water around.

We are just crazy about her at the moment. Hard to imagine that EL did not even exist 4 months ago; yet here she is, making such a difference to our lives and bringing such joy to all of us.

But our working hours have started to take a toll on our relationship with our girl. For me, particularly. I work long and irregular hours. Sometimes I get to play with her in the morning and bond with her, which is great. But I am finding it difficult to soothe her when she is unhappy or cranky.

She is fine when she is in a good mood. But when she starts to get restless or sleepy, she doesn't seem to want to be held by me. Instead, she will start wriggling and making protesting noises when I hold her or put her into the sling. Occasionally, she will accept being put into the sling by me. But more often than not, she rather my mum, her Mama, to carry her.

When my mum carries her, she automatically becomes quiet. She doesn't protest when she is fit into the sling. She sleeps soon after my mum carries her around.

My mum is good with babies. She does all kinds of things which my wife and I are incapable of. She sings songs, talks and babbles with her easily. It is a blessing to have her around, instead of some unknown nanny who probably couldn't care less for the charge under her.

But it's hard as a father to see that my own baby prefers someone else rather than me. People I speak to say it's natural; babies just trust the person they see and interact most. And I am just not around enough.

I suppose this is just the start. As she grows older, the initial yearning for Mama will still be there but at the same time, she will also learn to love us as parents. But it will get more challenging for me. Will I be around for her when she speaks her first word, stands up, take her first step? Will she be able to call out to me when she reads her first book, learns to sing and walk into kindergarten?

I guess I can answer these questions myself. How good I am of a father depends on me and how important I place my family over my career.

Growing too fast

Last few days have been rather rough at home. El has been going through what we think is a growth spurt. It may sound great that your own child is growing well - and it is - but there are also many consequences as a result of something growing very fast in a short period of time.

First, anything that grows very quickly in a short spurt needs a lot of energy. Think of it as a 50m sprint. You need tremendous amount of energy to push that short distance. Same with El.

On Friday night, after I got back home, my wife told me that El was feeding voraciously. She had fed on both breasts (El is strictly a breastfed baby - something I will definitely want to write about in the near future) not once but twice yesterday. Not only that, she fed for a full 20 mins on each side. As a comparison, on normal days, ie before yesterday, she would be content with 15, full on 20 mins on one side.

That same evening after dinner, El was on the breast for, dig this, 45 mins. Halp, my wife cried. I tried to tickle El in the vain hope that she would pop off but I got thwaped by my wife who pointed out that tickling her would result in her popping off with my wife's nipple. Good point. I conceded.

She eventually did pop off on her own and we thought hooray. This means she will be sleepy and more good hours ahead for the L family!

But you know, just as some governments promised more good years one year, the next year the financial crisis strikes. So like a thief in the night, the wailing started 2 hours after our midnight feed. First at 3, then 4, 5, 6. Yes. She was wailing to feed every hour. And each feed lasted at least 20 mins followed by soothing for another 10.

Effectively, we slept less than 20 mins every hour after 3am. If you add it all up, 2 + 4(0.5) = 4 hours. In reality, we slept less than that because it's not real sleep unless you get a stretch of sleep in.

The following day was pretty much the same. Wailed every hr and a half. It eventually got better as the day progressed but both of us were exhausted from the night before. To top it off, my mum, the secondary caretaker in the house, was out for the day. So it was up to us to fend for ourselves the whole afternoon, which we did thankfully.

It's Monday now and things seem a lot better. Growth spurts come and go; they may last 1 day, 2 days or a whole week. Good thing it was not longer than a couple of days for El.

But I am happy, despite the difficulties of that night, to see El growing, naturally. She's getting much longer now and weighs a lot heavier. I used to be able to rest her on my left arm without breaking a sweat. Now after 30 mins, my left arm starts to cramp and ache. Soon I won't be able to swing her around easily anymore :( Then she will start to question me and wear short skirts and bring boys back, who I will beat up, and then she will get married and move out :((

Sucks

Babies are the best communicators

Many first-time parents will complain that they just don't get what their baby wants.

Baby: Wahhhhhhhh
Concerned parent: Okok, babee, I check diaper okay?
Baby: WaHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Concerned parent: (getting a bit desparate) Your diaper is clean, what. Why? You hungry is it? But you just ate 10 minutes ago.
Baby: WAHhahAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Cocerned parent: !!!!!!

And it goes on until the parent finds out that the baby needs burping or when the baby decides to fall asleep on his/her own.

Based these experiences, the parent will just shrug and say, "I dunno what she wants la. Very random."

I disagree. Even if what I just described to you is what my wife and I have been going through the past 3 weeks.

See, its not the baby at fault. It's us.

The baby knows exactly what she wants. For sure. If it's a wet diaper, it's a wet diaper. It's really up to us to find out what she wants. And it's really quite easy.

I have come up with the most scientific way of deducing exactly what the baby wants.

When asleep, she

1) Starts making small noises and moves her hands and feet around: Could be wet diaper or it could be hunger
1a) Check the time, has it been two hours since the last feed or 10 mins?
1ai) If it has been two hours, watch for movements like putting her hand in her mouth and her tounge sticking out.
1aii) If it has been 10 mins, check diaper without disturbing her sleep. If wet, change. If dry, ask yourself, have you burped her properly?

2) Suddenly wakes up and lets out a huge cry: You've obviously been sleeping through step 1. You lose and will have to spend 30 mins calming her down and attending to her needs.

So the moral of the story is always been attuned to your baby's needs from the start. Keep an eye of the clock and when she starts making noises, go to her and observe.

Another oft-cited complaint by parents is why does the baby keep waking up at night and not sleep through it like the rest of us normal human beings?

I too asked myself that question, even though I knew the answer. (Shes's got a dman small stomach, doofus. Obviously, she gets hungry quickly after drinking milk)

Besides that seemingly obvious answer, another simple reason I read up is this: If you are a baby and your parent is busy during the day, what better time to call for attention when you know your parent is in? Night la, then?

Also, always wondered why babies need to be cuddled and carried before they fall asleep? It's instinct. Babies are weak and vulnerable (this will be hotly contested. My baby can seriously kick and punch some) so they need their parent to hold them so that they feel secure before the nod off.

Before flats and brick and mortar houses, humans lived in caves where sabretooth tigers and man-eating baboons used to lurk around. Parents, who wielded spears and swords, were the only protectors around for their children. So children, by evolution and instinct, depend on parents for their security and therefore cuddling and carrying ensures the baby that their sword-wielding parent is around to protect them. That's my theory anyway.